Is it really that hard to change your perspective? It had taken a horrible act against my son to change mine..

15 Oct

So does it take a catastrophic incident to change the way you see and feel the world around you? Well it did for me. I have had some bad things going on in my personal life so I thought I could go online and attack others. For a while I got a kick out of it, but then there were days that I felt horrible about myself, but I never associated the two. There was no way what I was doing online impacting how I acted and reacted in real life, right? It wasn’t until I saw the video of my son being taunted that I realized I was not much different. Taunting others online because they were different from me, and who was I to determine what is normal or acceptable. I have made some awesome friends through this, but that is because they came together for me during a real dark time when I tried to take my life. I am hoping we are strong enough to stay friends through this life transition I am making, because honestly I can’t take the tears I shed everyday for the guilt I carry from what I have done (the attempted suicide and the taunting tweets I have sent) I also cry because I fear losing my friends, and what they don’t realize is that they are probably the only true friends I have. I am very reclusive and I have maybe two people I go and hang out with and even then we just sit together and watch T.V. These girls I have opened up to and they mean so much to me. But this is about me and feeling complete in my life. I don’t want to walk through life feeling like half the person I am suppose to be. It is my own damn fault I squander my potential and it is time I re-evaluate what is important to me. I love you all. And I will leave you with some music videos to try and sum up my feelings about my friends, my son, and my family. Don’t take it literal, listen to some of the lyrics.

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