Aspergers Autism, Bulling, and feeling like a Failure to my son (A personal story, help make a difference)

11 Oct

My oldest  son is eleven years old and  has Aspergers Autism. If you met him you would fall in love with him instantly, at least that is what I am told by every adult he has ever had interaction with. If you don’t know what Autism is or what the signs are, you would probably just assume Joe is a very bright introverted “old soul” whom prefers the company of his latest science book or invention that he “just knows is going to change the world.” You probably wouldn’t notice him standing on the outside of his peer group always looking in, not quite knowing how to strike up a conversation with others his age, you may even think he is not interested in having friends his own age. You know, that is actually something I use to tell myself when he was younger, because I didn’t understand him, or what was going through his brilliant little mind. I always knew though. In my heart of hearts that he was not like children his own age. In the beginning I was a young first time mom at the age of seventeen trying to navigate this new world of responsibilities that came with have a child (yes his bio father was in the picture at the time, but he was very abusive and helped very little). It was my sister that pointed out to me when Joe was two and a half (by then I was a single mom of two) that he wasn’t talking as much as a normal two year old should be. She was the one that actually first told me about autism, but at that time only extreme cases got any kind of recognition from Pediatricians and health care officials.After having a few doors slammed in my face and being told he was “fine” I stopped trying. Then I really started noticing a difference between him and other children his own age  when I met the man I would marry and his son who is four months older then Joe. By this time Joe was about four and he was still in diapers and his speech was very hard to understand. I started thinking that maybe he wasn’t “just a late starter” like I was lead to believe by his pediatrician and that maybe I should seek another opinion from someone that we were not referred to by said pediatrician.So I had taken him to a place called CVRC. They asked me questions and then had a psychologist try to administer some test, but because of Joe’s lake of interested and need to lick everything, they were unable to complete the test. However they were able to give some resemblance of a diagnosis. They labeled him as having “Other conditions related to mental retardation with unspecified developmental delays” I learned later it was their way of say “yeah there is something wrong with your kid but we can’t figure out what”. So armed with this new knowledge when it became time for him to start school I asked the school district for an IEP (Independent Educational Plan) but when THEIR physiologist and resource teachers evaluated him, they determined he did not qualify for services (I am telling you now you will have to fight tooth and nail for any kind of help because it comes out of the districts budget) and boy was I pissed! So for a year while he was in that district he fell through the cracks. I wouldn’t find out until much later from his teacher during the student/teacher/ parent conference that my son who was now in kindergarten was being bullied on a daily basis by children older then him. There is one particular incident that sticks out and breaks my heart every time I think about it, and how nonchalantly the teacher told me that a yard duty aid reported to her that a little girl a few grades up had pulled his pants down in front of everyone at the playground, and nothing was done about it!!! They waited a whole month and a half to even tell me about it! As you can image I removed Joe from that school and completely out of the district into one that I knew very well because I had gone there when I was his age. Instead of going to the Principal and asking for an IEP I knew now to go straight to their Special ED Projects office insisting on talking to the head director about an IEP evaluation.Later that year I was pulled aside by the principal during the IEP and asked why I went to the head Projects office instead of going to her office first. I had looked her in the eye and said “no offense but I had one bad experience going through “the channels” I didn’t need another, and my son needed to have a fighting chance.” Needless to say me and the Principal of the Elementary School got along famously! During his time at the new school Joe was watched and taken care of. As soon as his sister was old enough to attend the same school she became his fiery red-headed protector. Then last year I finally got the school to test him for the disorder I knew he had since he was four. Aspergers Autism. After months of being observed, talked to, and test, and me filling out questionnaires the mid-term meeting for his IEP was held. It was as I suspected and they all agreed it was what Joe had. Now keep in mind the school can not “Diagnose” like a Center that is staffed with professional psychologist who are trained in this specific area, they can only write it on the IEP and plan his educational program accordingly, but at least it was another step in the right direction. Now it is a waiting game until the school referral is made to the diagnostic center(the school is the one to make the referral in this state because he is of school age) for his disorder to be written in black and blue by a leading diagnostic center. All of this just to get access to the resources he needs. Yet, I digress. He is now in the six grade or what I like to fondly refer to as the six circle of hell, where he is bullied and harassed EVERYDAY since school started on July 30th 2012, just because he is different then the other kids and they don’t understand him. He is a stickler for the rules and refuse to brake any even if that includes him “snitching” on another student. This brings me to the reason I started writing this post in the first place. My son has had run ins with different bullies at the bus stop for sometime now and usually the school is really good about taking care of it quickly (one of the perks I guess of having an established IEP it becomes a slippery slope for school officials if they don’t respond to reports of bulling a special needs child). The Principal has been awesome so far. There was an incident that happened and the director of the school transportation even got involved because the bus driver did not act as soon as they should of. Today though I feel like my son was fail. Fail by the bus driver, failed by the cop whom drove by and seen the incident, failed by the school, and in a way fail by myself, I failed to protect him. My son turned in a child the other day for smoking. When the kid and a few of his friends were search it was found to be pot and not cigarettes like my son had first thought it was in their possession. Today one of the kids friends who got in trouble the day before called my son a snitch retched him around by the arm and throw him to the ground. While this was happening another boy was video tapping it and laughing. I was informed the video tape was quickly turned off when a cop passing by saw what was happening and flipped around to investigate. Now this is where I feel like people started failing my son. The cop did nothing but tell the boy who was assaulting my son and I quote “you now have to be his bodyguard and if you don’t you will go to juvy” He didn’t even notify the school of what happened. It was my son who told the V.P. and of the video. So the only reason anyone knows what happened was because of this video. I asked the school what they would do and there answer for right now is “we are thinking of a proper disciplinary action and when we figure it out we will let you know” Yet the V.P. also asked what I was going to do. I told him as soon as they found out who the officer was I want to press charges. I also now have to worry if there is a video posted on the net of my son being hurt and harassed and laughed at. I do not believe a child should be picked on because they are different or any child for that matter! My son has Autism, he can not help the way he processes social ques. I will not let my son be another devastating story of a child lost to suicide because of BULLYING. Please help me get his story out. Like, Repost, tell a friend, what ever you have to do! We can’t as parents let this keep happening!!!


7 Responses to “Aspergers Autism, Bulling, and feeling like a Failure to my son (A personal story, help make a difference)”

  1. Anonymous October 11, 2012 at 6:25 pm #

    As a close friend of Him I find it hilarious that you’re asking for suport because your son is being bullied. Well, from the tweets I have seen from you and your little hater friends constantly on a daily basis, can’t say you deserve support. I’m sorry but you’re a bully yourself. Maybe you need a Taste of your own medicine. If you go to the news with this don’t think that you will get backlash with ALL the horrible things you have said about others. We’ve saved it all. I would suggest you back off and handle this privately instead of trying to get sympathy and attention from
    People. You have some nerve.

    • kittygotclaws28 October 11, 2012 at 8:03 pm #

      You know it is one thing coming after me, that is fine. I have said what I have said and I will have to face the consequences of my actions. But to threaten the protection of my son who has done nothing wrong to you or anyone else is low. I am asking for support to Protect a child WITH SPECIAL NEEDS!! What I have said is between me and “him”, if he would like to talk to me about my opinion and the choices I have made, then by all means he and I can hash it out. But this is not between you and me, you haven’t even come at me like a rational person and you hide behind an anon. I can not believe another adult would use a mothers plea for help for her special needs child who is being physically assaulted would use it against them. If any member of the party you are so earnestly trying to defended by using my feed against my family are truly upset then have them get a hold of me. If you are just trying to be a bully yourself it wont work because I always admit to my wrong doings. Stop following my tweets if you don’t like the conversations I have with my friends. BTW because of what has been happen to my son it has changed the way I see things. Have you seen me participate in really any negative conversations about anyone?

  2. Anonymous October 11, 2012 at 9:42 pm #

    ” BTW because of what has been happen to my son it has changed the way I see things. Have you seen me participate in really any negative conversations about anyone?”

    Really? Are you on total denial. What was your last tweet? You know. The horrible one about “His” sister “her”? Thought so. You’re so full of it. You’re just as bad as that kid who’s picking on your son. STOP bullying people and maybe good Karma will be upon you.

    • kittygotclaws28 October 11, 2012 at 9:49 pm #

      BTW I was talking about PAUL Ryan (I put an extra n by accident) if you didn’t notice the hastag VPDebates go look at it again before leaving another nasty comment that is unfounded. When you do I would like you to let “her” (H’s) sister know you made a mistake by assuming.

  3. Anonymous October 11, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

    Sorry Made a mistake and I’m sorry. I also NEVER stated that I was friends with her. My messages to you are far from harassment so you can stop being so OVER dramatic. Trying to get sympathy from your tweets about our coversations is not healthy. It shows that you lack something in your life and thrive off positive attention. Not healthy! Well I’m done here and have nothing more to say. But words of wisdom: treat others how you want to be treated. You can’t be a bully then get mad when someone does it back to you or a family member. You need to be a positive roll model to him and consciously you can be that when you have a DARK side of bullying. Have a nice life and hope things work out for your son.


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